2024 thoughts & recap

I love the idea of putting some reflective words here. They become a time capsule of my thoughts and memories similar to the way I treat my Instagram as my digital scrapbook. In my 20’s I had a blog, more of a digital journal that I would use to share stories about trips, give updates on the kids and share the occasional new year thoughts. I never made it a good habit to post regularly. I am in process of obtaining the writing from the old blog and hope to add them here as archives. I plan to make story telling a bigger part of my life. I have lots to say and want to remember it all!

Time has been absolutely wild. I know. It’s nearly 2025 and the years keep flying by faster and faster. While I feel like so much of my world remains in limbo and chaos as I settle the terms of my divorce, I also know that so much progress has been made in the personal and undefined journey I am on in this new single person and single parent life. While I hope to go into lots of detail on all sorts of topics in future posts, I think I’ll keep this to a surface level reflection on the year. 

First of all, wow my hair really grew this year. Not the most inciteful place to start, but I just watched all my monthly photo dumps on my TikTok and it really surprised me to see. In January it was maybe an inch or so past my collar bone, and now it’s practically nipple length. I like the idea of being able to see change because so much of the change I feel like I have gone through over the last year has been invisible. So there. Some visible change: My hair. Lets see what else changed.

Next. Single parenthood is still something I am getting my arms around. I find myself going from absolute joy to absolute frustration (followed by guilt) in two seconds flat. Raising children to be independent, kind, smart, helpful, emotionally intelligent adults is not for the faint of heart. It’s a job I feel I both suck at and thrive at, daily. I take genuine pleasure in my weeks with them, and my weeks without them because doing it alone is just as much of a gift as it is terribly hard. I feel lucky to have such amazing healthy human offspring. They love me more than I could have ever imagined someone would love me, and my love for them is not even something I can put into words. It’s emojis, sensations, and things that make your tummy flip over when you least expect it. It feels messy and wild and honestly, its improvisation at its finest. It’s something I’ve stopped trying to control. It just exists and is the most beautiful and magical thing. This drives how I cart-wheel through single parenthood.  

Another gift I am thankful for: the incredible people we have in our lives. The kids and I as a pack have many families and friends that we spend our time with. We blend together into groups of people that we feel comfortable and safe being who we really are (super fun people). We love to nurture these relationships and watch them grow. While I had always fantasized about moving to a new city after college, I feel very lucky to live in a community I have been in for so long and to draw from all the different sectors of people we have around us. The notion that “it takes a village” has never felt more true. I love my village and am so incredibly grateful for it. There are so many people who love on us and love on me. Old friendships are reinvented and new friends feel like they’ve been here for ages. It’s beautiful.

Taylor Swift (I know, major eye roll from a lot of you) continues to be a daily fixture in my world. It started in 2023 as I was going through a significant life change (the end of my marriage). I had always loved her music. She was all over the playlists I made for the kids and I, and we loved watching all her videos on YouTube. But at this particular time, I found it therapeutic to listen to her lyrics and relate them to my own world as it shifted. I felt like I was able to reflect differently on myself and on my relationship in new/different ways. I learned that rebirth is a lovely feeling, that sitting in anger, despair and fear is how you move forward, and that being who you are, even if it is not what everyone expects, is FINE. That to be a little bit bad is a taboo but necessary part of life. And lastly that my love story was nowhere close to what it could be or what I am capable of having. I think what she and I have in common is a desire to share our words when things are hard. Some would say I overshare, and I know it’s true. But it’s part of my process and I have a feeling, the same is true for her. It’s how we move through. I love her emotional and bold rage, it always hits when I need it.  

There were quite a few little trips this year mostly just Southern CA and Tahoe which happen to be my two favorite places so I am satisfied!

February: The kids and I to Orange County for some cousin fun and one day at Disneyland 
May: I went to Orange County for moms only Disneyland with Shelby
June-September had MANY Lake Tahoe Trips. I became obsessed with the afternoon arrival and staying until it’s dark. The sunsets were epic.  
June: Mammoth with the kids and Shelby and her kids 
July: Elko for the Basque Festival; Orange County and a quickie day to San Diego for the zoo with auntie and a night at the beach with cousins.
November: Indianapolis for Taylor Swift; Orange County for Thanksgiving

While I didn’t leave the country this year, I hope to next year. Scotland, Spain and Mexico are calling my name very loud.  

As of the Fall 2024 school year, all three kids are finally at the same school. Hugo is in third grade, Cora is in second grade, and Esme started kindergarten. These kids have gone through a lot of change in the last two years but their cohesion as a little sibling pack remains so incredibly strong. They may switch households and parents from week to week but they remain steadfast for each other and provide the foundation and stability they need.

Hugo (9) is curious, likes to do things with his hands such as building with legos or miscellaneous household items. He often takes this a bit too far, but it’s part of the learning process. He loves music like his mom, he thinks anything Tesla is amazing, and despite being on the more shy side, he always loves when we get to hang out with our people- classic extroverted introvert. Cora (8), my middle child in every sense, is so enthusiastic. She lets this energy out by literally jumping and prancing around constantly. She is my most emotional creature, she feels her feelings deeply. I also really see her stepping into the eldest daughter role. She has a helpful and nurturing heart for people around her and is beautiful to see. She loves school and learning and is presently reading with so much confidence. And Esme (6). My cucumber loving and most deliberate and thoughtful child. Really until summer, I still feel like I had her categorized as a toddler. Her language felt limited compared to her siblings and she was the youngest most…. needy? But she has bloomed fully into a little girl, speaking her mind and making sure I know that she is capable of more than I give her credit for. She is thriving in kinder, loves her teacher and friends and they love her back. It is precious to watch.
 

To summarize, it’s been a great year of planting seeds and watching them grow: relationship growth, healing and habits all take time. Being intentional and making memories remain core objectives. I have learned more about myself, my kids and about the world than I would have ever thought. I know I still have open wounds and areas for growth that I continue to ignore but I give myself grace and am doing what I always do: Enjoy the ride with the music on loud.

More later, friends. Lots of love and gratitude to you. Cheers!